This holds true for every person because change is inevitable. Change can happen anytime, regardless if you are ready or not!

When it occurs, the best thing to do is to confront it head on and get it over and done with. People who run away from change have found themselves frustrated as they find themselves encountering the same problem repeatedly.

Change can be good or bad depending on how it is perceived by the person. An optimist will see change as a challenge or a stepping stone to something greater. A pessimist will see change as a hindrance and will only complain.

It doesn't really matter whether you choose to face change or not, because it will not go away. Any which way you deal with it, change will still have an impact on you right now or in the next few days, weeks, or years.

So how do you handle change? Accept it. Take baby steps but face it head on.

Change can sometimes be annoying because it can be interrelated to another set of changes. Hey, that's how life works. Making a choice is one way of handling change.

Here are some tips on how to handle change:

1. Let it flow

Trying to resist and get around change will only be a futile and frustrating attempt. Instead, what you can do is try to be more flexible. If you have this attitude, you will be able to ride the wave out more smoothly and sanely. Don't swim against the current.

2. Welcome reactions

It's okay to react to the events that come with change. You have the right to feel happy or sad with whatever is thrown at you. There is a time to celebrate and there is a time to grieve. After the grieving period is over, you will find it easier to handle change.

3. Purging helps

Talking about your problem provides the opportunity to take its weight off your chest. Have you noticed this? This is because you start being immune to the problem. Talking about it will also help you find solutions. Bottling up all your fears, expectations, and emotions will only cost you your sanity.

4. Never forget the familiar

Change comes one by one and in bits and pieces. Chances are there will still be something from your old life that you can hold onto and cherish while you are trying to handle change. Remember the saying "make new friends, but keep the old"? This applies here.

5. Seek support

If you feel overwhelmed by change, you can always seek ways to temporarily distract you while you think of methods to deal with it. Go out with friends, read a book, and travel. There is a multitude of things that you can do in order to make change more acceptable and less stressful.

To sum it all up, handling change boils down to one thing: acceptance. One you have accepted the fact that things happen and that these happen for a reason, the easier it will be for you!

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You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping a colorful mixed drink. You say to yourself, 揝he looks so perfectly calm and confident.?

If only you could read her mind, you might just be amazed with what she is thinking, 揂re people talking about why I am seated here alone? Why don抰 guys find me attractive? ?I don抰 like my ankles, they look too skinny ?I wish I were as intelligent as my best friend.?/p>

You see a young business entrepreneur and say, 揥hoa ?what else could he ask for??The business entrepreneur stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, 揑 hate my big eyes?I wonder why my friends won抰 talk to me ?I hope mom and dad would still work things out.?

Isn抰 it funny? You look at other people, envy them for looking outrageously perfect, and wish you could trade places with them. On the other hand, they look at you and think of the same things!

You are insecure of other people who, in turn, are insecure of you. You suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Consequently, you lose hope in improving yourself because you are enveloped in quiet desperation.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. In most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she is saying. Because of this, all our other friends tend to avoid her whenever she is around. The sad part is that my friend does not notice this!

Learn to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. This is part of the self-improvement process. Find an honest and trusted friend whom you can comfortably ask delicate questions, such as: 揇o you think I am ill-mannered??揇o I always sound so argumentative??揇o I talk too loud??揇o I ever bore you when were together??and others.

Listen for comments and criticisms and do not justify by saying, 揇on抰 exaggerate! That抯 just the way I am!?nbsp; Open your mind and heart and learn to receive these comments. In return, you may want to help your friend by offering constructive criticisms that will also help him/her improve.

One of Whitney Houston抯 songs says, 揕earning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.?True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first for you cannot give what you do not have.

In order to convince people to improve themselves, show them first some results, such as what you have achieved because of self-improvement. Self-improvement makes you a better person and when people see this, it inspires them to follow the same path.

People have insecurities. Nobody is perfect. People always wish they had better things, features, body parts, etc. Life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.

However, self-improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and the best. It starts with accepting and loving your self. When you begin to improve yourself, then you begin to feel content and happy.

Stop thinking of yourself as a second-rate being. Quit thinking 揑f only 厰 thoughts. Accept your true self. This is the first step to self-improvement. Stop comparing yourself to others! Aspire to become your best self.

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By: Jeff Cohen

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There is no foolproof way to win a bid, but there are a few things you can do to hedge your bets. By using these simple tips, you may be able to increase your chance of getting the job pretty significantly.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Never go into a presentation with a standard, generic proposal. Each buyer is different, and each buyer will have different priorities in choosing a contractor. Remember, no matter what the buyer tells you AFTER the presentation, price is almost never the reason they didn't choose you. The reason that buyers tell us this is that they usually have no other means to make a decision.

Let me explain. Let's say we are writing a proposal for a school district. The buyer, the person making the ultimate decision (by the way, that is usually only one person, even though it may to appear to be a committee,) has a hierarchy of priorities that will influence the decision. This hierarchy will be different for different people, but let's say this particular buyer is primarily interested in the job finishing on time, the safety of the children, the aesthetics of the building, and finally, price-in that order. If this buyer views three proposals all saying basically the same things, "We are the best at finishing on time. Safety is our priority. Look at how beautiful our buildings look." Then the only criteria left to make a decision is price.

If any of the contractors in the above example could have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were indeed the best at any one of those things, then that contractor would have easily made it to the top of the "Short List." Specific evidence that you can do what your buyer wants will set you apart. This evidence could be pictures, testimonials, exhibits, quotes, trade journal articles, and many other forms. The more dramatic the evidence, the more easily it will be remembered. One of my clients photocopied over 100 letters of recommendation and delivered a set to each of the committee members at the conclusion of his presentation. He was the only contractor who offered even one. He got the job and was $250,000 over the lowest bidder.

How do we know what our buyer's hierarchy is? ASK. Call up or visit the people you will present to. Find out what, other than price, is most important and why. Many times, these buyers will tell you in great detail. Make notes and accumulate evidence that supports how you can do what they want.

THE PRESENTATION

Right or wrong, people form an impression of how competent we are in the first few seconds that they meet us. Are we nervous? Do we present ourselves in a confident, professional manner? Our confidence when we present is vital to winning over our audience to our way of thinking.

The buyers want to get to know the people they will be working with. They want to know if they can trust the contractor. The contractor who can present confidently and build trust and rapport with the audience has a great shot at getting to the top of the "Short List."

Presenters who have received professional coaching in public speaking skills have a distinct advantage over those who have not.

Comments

What you think as your best might not be the best for somebody else. What might be the best for others may not necessarily be the best for you too. Confusing, right?

Being the best varies from one individual to another. Being the best depends on perception.

So how do you become the best that you want to be? Good habits can lead you to your best. Your effort must be energized and directed to attain this one single aspiration.

Science can provide us with an explanation on this. The human brain undergoes a selective absorption process. Part of the human brain is a system of interconnected cells that are responsible for absorbing only incoming information that you want to accept via your senses. It is like a strainer collecting data for your brain. These cells take in only information you are interested in and dispose unwanted or nuisance information. Retained information is then processed to become part of you, which eventually become part of your habits.

For instance, your breakfast will not be complete without a cup of black coffee. Even if you have bacon, eggs, hash browns in the morning, breakfast would not be complete without a cup of black coffee to cap it off. You do not feel complete and satisfied the whole day because something is missing early on. Even if you have nothing else but black coffee, you consider your day complete as far as you are concerned. This habit is part of you. Without this particular habit, you are not you.

Your habits make you what you are. Bad habits are inclined to drag you to failure. The opposite can be true. Good habits lead you to success and will reap rewards that you deserve.

When you eliminate a bad habit, you actually create a vacuum within you. What used to be a bad habit isn抰 there anymore. The likelihood of the bad habit being replaced by a different bad habit is a possibility.

This makes it imperative that the eliminated bad habit be replaced by a habit geared towards a good one. In essence, you have to keep on repeating the new good habit until it becomes an integral part of you. The secret is practice. Keep on doing the new habit. You will notice a tremendous change in you to be the best you can be.

Practice makes perfect. If you are a lousy dancer, try to visualize yourself as a graceful dancer. Keep doing this daily and you will be amazed of the improvements. What used to be farthest from your mind is now a part of you by way of practice.

Decide and commit to change your bad habits. Have a contract with yourself. If you enter into contracts with others, can抰 you do the same thing to yourself? If you trust others to do their part of the contract, would you deny yourself this trust? Certainly, you deserve better treatment! Care for your own, by being strict to yourself. You are your own beneficiary anyway.

A habit can make or break you. Don抰 be a slave to your bad habit. Counteract this by replacing it with one or more good ones that will bring the best out of you.

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One of the easiest ways to drive prospective clients and customers to your business is to become the expert in your field. The term Expert carries credibility and prestige that can open many doors for you, and, oddly enough, the term is relatively easy to acquire. This simple three-step process can help you quickly and easily set yourself up as the expert in your field.

Step 1: Determine Your Niche (Niche Marketing)

Instead of trying to be everything to everybody, narrow down your focus to the things that you are really, really good at. A friend of mine set himself up as an expert at leadership training for water treatment facilities. When he told me what he was doing, I asked, "Is there any money in that?" He smiled and said, "Every city's got one, and I'm the only leadership expert in this field in the country." He was frequently quoted in trade journals and asked to speak at their conventions. Find your niche, and you'll eliminate your competition.

Step 2: Write about Your Area of Expertise

After you determine your niche, begin to write articles about your area of expertise. Every single day, tens of thousands of editors, web masters, and newsletter publishers are looking doggedly for unique and information-packed articles. If you can write articles that teach readers about your industry, you will find numerous places that will quickly publish your article.

I spent ten years as a trainer before someone, out of desperation, asked me to write an article for her trade journal. A few months later, another editor saw the article and asked if she could reprint it. Before long, I began to get inquiries from companies in that industry, and a snowball effect began to occur. The more business I did in the industry, the more of an expert I became. I followed with other articles, and within a short period of time, I became a recognized expert in an industry that I had never received any formal education in.

Write a few articles, and you can become a recognized expert in any field.

Step 3: Speak as Often as You Can

When your articles begin to get published, you'll start to receive requests to speak more often.

95% of the population has some type of nervousness about public speaking. So when you stand up and say what you want to say, the way you want to say it, you are doing what 95% of the population wish they could do. When you speak about your industry, you set yourself up as the expert on that topic. You gain instant credibility.

If you get nervous when you speak in front of a group, attend a public speaking class. It will be the best investment of your life, because the more confident you are when you present your ideas, the more competent you will appear in front of a group.

Follow these three simple steps and you will become the recognized expert in your specific niche.

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It doesn't have to be that way. By making just a few simple changes to our approach, we can become a center of influence in any room and in effect, generate significant word of mouth advertising. One of the first things that we have to realize, though, is what 'networking' actually is and what it is not. Networking IS NOT selling. (If you are in a MLM system, pay close attention here!) If we know 99% of the people at a networking function are there to promote their own product or service (not buy from us,) and we try to sell our product or service to them, we are likely to frustrate (and bore) ourselves and the people we are talking with. One of the biggest mistakes that people make is that once we get even a hint of interest from the person we are talking to, the sales person FANGS (MLM fangs) come out. We practically beat our new acquaintance over the head with what we do, and how great we are, and why they should buy from us. All we are doing in a situation like this is pushing our prospect away.

Networking IS increasing our sphere of influence in order to promote our product or service to this sphere of influence at a future time. People do business with and refer people to people they, know, like, and trust (peer to peer networking.) So our goal during a networking function is not to sell, but to get more people to know us, like us, and trust us. That way, they are more likely to buy from us in the future or refer people to us. One way to get people to know us, like us, and trust us more is to help them get what they want.

People like other people who are interested in them. The most important topic to anyone you are speaking to is himself or herself. And since they are at the meeting to promote their product or service, then if we help them do that better, they are going to like and trust us more. The following questions are things that you can ask someone at a networking function that will get them to open up to you and tell you about themselves:

What is you name? Obviously a first question.
What do you do? Still nothing out of the ordinary.
Do you travel much? What territory do you work in? Any question about location.
What do you like most about what you do? Keeps the conversation positive and gives you more insight about the person and his/her company.
What makes you or your company unique or different from your competition? Let them brag.
What are some of your accomplishments or things you are proud of? Let them brag more.
How would I know if someone I was talking to would be a good prospect for you? This one question can make you more money than any other you can ask.
These questions will help you really get to know the person and what he or she can do. With this type of information at your fingertips (and it is a good idea to write the information down-possible on the back of a business card,) as you network, eventually you will come across someone who would be a good prospect for that person. The moment you introduce those two people, you become a center of influence in that room. Do this just a couple of times, and the word will spread very quickly about how YOU are the person that everyone needs to know.

What makes this process so successful is the third party endorsement. The person who you are helping to promote his or her product or service is no longer struggling to find a warm prospect, now they are receiving a third party endorsement from you. That gives that person tremendous credibility to the prospect. You are helping both parties. These people tend to remember this type of help, and they return the favor ten-fold.

Eventually, you'll walk into a room, and people you have never even met before will begin bringing prospects to you. The key to making this process work is consistency and the ability to catalogue information about the people you meet. If you create a system that works for you, you will dramatically increase the word-of-mouth advertising about your company.

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I deserve to be,

I want to be,

I can be,

I will be,

I am.

If you want to change your life you need to change how you think and change what you do. Self-help, personal change, being happy: it's up to you. No-one else.

You decide. This is the first step. Self-help starts with you. Self-help and personal change starts with your realisation that it really is in your own hands, and your decision to do something about it.

Your own self-belief is the key to successful life-change, achievement, contentment, and happiness.

Your own mind, particularly positive suggestion and visualisation, will develop your self-belief, and your determination to make successful change to your life.

This page will help you begin to change the way you think, feel and act.

Visit it any time you want to boost your self-belief, to relax, and to regain control of your life and direction.

Print this page and put it above your mirror, above your bed, above your desk, anywhere you'll see it every day.

Make time - actually schedule some time in your planner or diary to do this. It will dramatically improve your mood, attitude, and approach to life, and therefore what you get from life.

Positive suggestion and visualisation, combined with deep relaxation, is an easy way to make powerful positive personal change.

Just going through this relaxation exercise alone will help to change and improve the way you feel. If you combine the relaxation techniques with a repeated script of positive statements, such as the 'I am' script below, you will begin change the way you think, and feel, and act, and all that life offers as a result.

The more you use the relaxation exercise and say or hear the script, then the greater and more sustainable will be the effect.

The time it takes to change depends on different people. Stick with it and it will become easier, more natural, more enjoyable, and it will work.

relaxation exercise
Sit or lie down comfortably. Properly comfortably. Straighten your back, put your shoulders back to open your rib-cage.
Relax your shoulder muscles particularly. Relax your whole body, and empty your mind.
Close your eyes (obviously open them when you need to read the next stage).
Take ten deep, slow breaths. Breathe from the pit of your stomach and feel your lungs filling.
Focus on your breathing. Feel it getting deeper and slower. Feel yourself relaxing and any tension drifting away.
Relax your shoulders and neck again.
Visualise yourself being happy, succeeding, winning, being loved, laughing, feeling good.
Relax your forehead, your mouth and your eyes.
Allow a gentle smile to appear on your face as you feel a calmness enter your mind.
Then say (out load ideally) the words below (a script for personal change) to yourself:

i am
I am good person.

I have integrity.

I do what is ethically right and good.

Whatever life puts before me will be useful experience that will make me stronger, wiser, and more tolerant.

I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other people's weaknesses, and their behaviour towards me. Other people's behaviour is about them, not me.

I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can.

I am what I eat and drink, so I eat and drink good things.

I am what I watch and play and listen, so I watch and play and listen to good positive things.

I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I don't need to drive or take the bus or train.

I smile and laugh whenever I can - life is good - getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it.

I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person, just like me.

I am a compassionate and loving, caring person.

I am a good person.

I am.

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about relaxation, scripts and self-help
The use of scripts while in a deeply relaxed state is a ages-old method of gaining and maintaining control over our personal feelings and behaviours.

Relaxation combined with positive 'self-talk' enables self-help.

The use of scripts or strong statements while in a deeply relaxed state enables a 'conditioning' effect on our subconscious.

Changing our subconscious - our feelings and beliefs - increases our sense of calm and well-being, and also enables change in our conscious thoughts and behaviours. It's that simple.

Some people find it easier than others to relax deeply. It comes with practice.

If you find it difficult, allow yourself more time when going through the relaxation exercise. Create or put yourself into a quiet relaxing calm environment. Shut out noise and distractions. Lie down rather than sit.

When relaxing and emptying your mind it is natural for thoughts to arise - in which case simply acknowledge them gently and let them go - visualise them floating away like a balloon into the distance. Your ability to empty your mind and relax, free from thoughts, will improve with practice.

When you practice, you will increase the ease with which you can relax, and then you will find that you no longer need such a quiet environment. You will even find that you can achieve a deeply relaxed state in quite noisy stressful environments. Even sat at your desk at work.

Other methodologies and approaches refer to deep relaxation as 'meditation'. Commonly such methods are 'packaged' and surrounded by mystery or science. Don't be fooled. Anyone can do this. It's human nature, and instinctively accessible - free - to everyone.

Deep relaxation alone is good for the mind and body, without the use of scripted statements. Combining deep relaxation with good positive scripts is a powerful method of achieving greater happiness and for making positive personal change.

The use of repeating scripts (said or listened to) is ages-old as well. The principle is used in many timeless customs - some which are forces for good, others not so good - which are used to change or control feelings, including praying, chanting, singing, etc. Often these practices are combined with deep relaxation, meditation, trance, even hypnosis, again some for good aims and some not so good.

What I'm advocating here is the use of the same basic methodology - deep relaxation, combined with repeating strong statements - to achieve powerful personal change for the good, in the direction that you want.

If you are a coach or trainer you can help others with this type of personal change - see the personal change exercises ideas which use these relaxation, scripts and positive statements techniques.

using and changing scripts - what the 'i am' words mean
The 'I am' element alone is a powerful one because it embodies the sense of self-determination, which nobody and nothing can ever take away from you, and it emphasises the value of simply 'being'.

We each exist as a person of value and worth in our own right, irrespective of possessions and achievements. Accepting and reinforcing this concept is good for each of us. This, at its simplest level, is what 'I am' means.

"There is wisdom in accepting what you are. It is difficult to be what you are not. Being what you are doesn't require any effort. When you become wise, you accept yourself the way you are, and the complete acceptance of yourself becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else." (From 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz, with thanks to Allspirit.co.uk)

You can use the relaxation exercise, combined with a script, to change many aspects of your life and feelings.

You do this by adding, removing, or replacing statements in the script.

Keep the statements positive and in the present tense.

For example, if you want to be more confident, use a statement such as 'I am a confident person' rather than 'I will be a more confident person' or 'I will try to be a more confident person'.

If you want to stop smoking, use a statement such as 'I am a non-smoker, because I value my life and body' rather than 'I will try to give up smoking'.

If you do not want to give up smoking, merely to cut down, adjust the script accordingly, for example: 'I smoke only five/ten/fifteen cigarettes a day, because this is improving my health and my life' (better than smoking twenty or thirty day).

If you keep telling your sub-conscious that you 'are', then in time you will 'be'.

Use script statements that describe yourself as you want to be. Repeating positive scripts, combined with deep relaxation, will change your behaviour from deep within.

making tapes or script recordings
You can increase the ease of using scripts if you make a tape or CD recording of yourself reading your script.

You can then use the recording any time you want.

Using a recording also means you can relax completely while listening to the words, with no need to open your eyes to read.

You can also listen to your recorded script at bed-time, before you go to sleep every night, which is also an effective way to reach and change your sub-conscious feelings.

be assured...
Most people judge themselves against entirely artificial criteria. Material success is not what life is about.

You can change your frame of reference. You do not have to accept a frame of reference that others have given you.

Many of the most materially 'successful' people are deeply unhappy, yet they strive and search (unsuccessfully) even harder for more material success.

Most ordinary good, honest 'being' people are fooled into believing that what they have is not worth anything. Don't be fooled.

The answer to happiness and fulfilment is usually found in achieving a simple acceptance of, and joy of living, a good life.

Enjoy 'being' and living a good life.

Next time you get caught in the rain, or bump the car, or get a headache - enjoy being alive to feel it and experience it.

Comments

Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLP FAQ
by Chris Collingwood NLP Trainer Assessor

1. How is NLP useful for me?
As NLP offers a window (through modelling) into the way we function (our neuro-linguistic programmes), it offers (as an application of NLP methodology) a technology for creating change. If you want to have more choices about your behaviour and emotions, to enhance your communication and relationships and develop new abilities in your thinking, then NLP can provide you with the technology for accomplishing that. It generates lasting life skills (one of the consequences of quality NLP training).

There are now multiple applications of NLP for psychology and counseling, education, business modelling, corporate cultural change, management development, sport performance, personal development and coaching.

2. What is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)?
NLP explores the relationship between how we think (neuro), how we communicate both verbally and non-verbally (linguistic) and our patterns of behaviour and emotion (programmes).

It is both an epistemology, in that it studies how we know what we know and a methodology for creating practical descriptions of how we function as human beings. The purpose of NLP is to study, describe and transfer models of human excellence. (Modelling).

There are a number of descriptions of what is NLP. The founders of NLP Dr. John Grinder and Richard Bandler defined NLP as the study of the structure of subjective experience (Dilts et al; 1980). Judith DeLozier and John Grinder (1987) define NLP as "an accelerated learning strategy for the detection and utilization of patterns in the world". We think of NLP as a field that explores the patterns of organisation of effective human intuition (Collingwood & Collingwood; 2001). Through modelling an expert's intuitive application of their skill, we can as Neuro-Linguistic Programmers, have those patterns of organisation for ourselves and / or make them available to others. Modelling is the core function of NLP, learning to model (self and others) the core activity of NLP practitioner and NLP master practitioner certification trainings.

For practical purposes, learning NLP thoroughly will sharpen your observation and listening ability and enable you to identify patterns in people's behaviour and language so you can respond to the subtext of their communication. This will enable you to communicate more effectively and cut through distractions. At the same time, your own thinking will benefit from these skills as you learn to identify the direction you want to take in conversation and action. These benefits only happen with live training and practice. If you settle for a short "practitioner" course, the chances are you will be given a sheaf of scripts which limit your ability to use the material in real life.

3. In what ways can I explore NLP for my benefit?
Through reading books and articles, through coaching with an NLP trained coach or through a quality NLP seminar or training course. Note that you can only learn about NLP through reading. To learn to use NLP fluently in real time interactions there is no substitute for live experience. Reading is an excellent means of researching to help you decide when or whether you want to learn NLP. Then reading offers additional descriptions and background to enrich your live exposure.

Reading: There are over 100 books now written on NLP. The books range from support material for studying NLP through to applications of NLP to business communication, relationship counselling, education, psychotherapy and general personal development. We have specific recommendations for Practitioner of NLP level reading and Master Practitioner of NLP level reading. Also there is a section of this site devoted to NLP book reviews.

Coaching: Have a consultation or coaching session with an NLP Practitioner, Master Practitioner or NLP Trainer and experience using NLP to make a change and achieve an outcome. If you live in Australia consider visiting an Inspiritive Life Coach. See the Life Coaching Web site.

Seminars: Many NLP organisations have short seminars ranging from 1 day introductions through to 3 to 5 day application seminars. We have a regular evening introduction called Gateway to Excellence that is taught every 6 to 8 weeks. We also have some 3 day application seminars and seminars with Guest presenters. See Guest Seminars. Please note that we only invite the world's best in NLP to present seminars for Inspiritive.

Training in NLP: You could do a professional training course in NLP. In the past Certification trainings were offered at the levels of Practitioner of NLP, Master Practitioner of NLP and Trainer of NLP. We now offer a professional qualification in NLP, the Graduate Certificate in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, the first recognised higher education qualification in NLP in the world. See our brochure for the Graduate Certificate in NLP course of study. We continue to offer NLP Trainers Training.

4. What standards should I expect for a Practitioner of NLP training?
Time: A minimum of 20 days and 130 hours is the recognised time standard for Practitioner of NLP training for most NLP Associations. The nationally accredited course in Practitioner of NLP that we used to offer required 160 contact hours. Unfortuately some training organisations have created closed associations for their graduates. These are framed as broad associations that endorse a lesser time standard (usually seven days) for Practitioner of NLP certification. Other associations such as the Association for NLP (UK) or the National Association for NLP (USA) are open to practitioners from many training organisations. Please note that the short so called "accelerated" and "fast track" 7 day NLP trainings do not meet Practitioner of NLP standards

Accreditation: In the interest of comprehensive NLP training and quality standards, we have superseded NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner courses through government accreditation of a professional qualification the 21576VIC Graduate Certificate in NLP.

5. What do "Process" and "Content Mean?
Process not Content: The field of NLP makes the distinction between process and content. NLP is a process (not content) model. Content models are not NLP! I have seen books marketed as NLP texts that contain content rituals under the guise of NLP techniques. Skilled NLP trainers make the distinction when teaching between process and pattern and content examples. NLP does not include mysticism or personality type labelling and training programmes that include these classes of material are not teaching pure NLP! NLP does not include content beliefs!

Content is the "story"; opinion, gossip or interpretation that scolours much communication. Process is the means of handling ideas and matters in the world. As an example of the distinction between process and content, artists paint pictures. They use specific processes to apply colour to canvas to achieve the effects they want. The content of a picture may be anything from an image of a person to a tree or an abstract composition. A commissioned artwork requires the client to provide the content while the artist provides the process.

An important area of NLP is how we use our attention. We can discover this most simply by participating in live experiential exercises and learn to refine and harness our natural abilities. This is a totally process based activity. On the other hand, many people in the NLP community use a list of finite examples of attention and profile individuals according to that list, thereby limiting those people's development.

Syllabus: The syllabus for our superseded accredited NLP practitioner training met the following - See our standards for Practitioner of NLP certification.

6. What is the relationship between NLP and Timelines?
Timelines and timeline models are part of Neuro-Lingusitic Programming. Timelines as models in NLP originated in two forms. Mental timelines where modelled and described by Steve and Connirae Andreas, physical timelines by John Grinder and Robert Dilts. Most reputable NLP organisations teach more than one timeline process as part of their NLP Practitioner trainings and do not infer that timeline use is separate from NLP.

Timelines can be used to plan the future, review the past, re-awaken memory, manage projects and do change work. They can also be shortened, lengthened, re-shaped and adapted to improve an individual's capacity for time management in a variety of contexts.

7. What is the relationship between NLP and accelerated learning?
As NLP explores and builds models (modelling) of how we do what we do (through providing a methodology that studies the relationship between how we think, communicate and behave), NLP provides a technology for accelerating learning. NLP deals in patterns of effective thinking and communication, so accelerated learning occurs as a byproduct of NLP methodology (multi-sensory teaching, multiple descriptions, pattern detection). NLP provides accelerated learning in and of itself without using the 'accepted' rituals of 'Accelerated Learning' (background music, coloured pens, scripted lessons, short activities). These were designed by Lozanov specifically for learning languages and later modified by Rose for wider application. They are part of a content description of a teaching method designed to engage the learners' attention fully, in all senses and in different mind states. The engagement of these criteria is found in NLP without the content ritual of formal 'accelerated learning'.

What is NLP? - References:
Collingwood, Jules., Collingwood, Chris. (2001). The NLP Field Guide; Part 1. A reference manual of Practitioner level patterns.

DeLozier, Judith., Grinder, John. (1987). Turtles all the Way Down; Prerequisites to Personal Genius. Bonny Doon CA: Grinder, DeLozier and Associates.

Dilts, Robert., Grinder, John., Bandler, Richard., Cameron-Bandler, Leslie., DeLozier, Judith. (1980). Neuro-Linguistic Programming Volume 1; The study of the structure of subjective experience. Cupertino, CA: Meta Publications

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Optimising individual performance through progressive personal development significantly improves business performance too.

This example of an integrated approach to personal development is based on the work of UK-based psychotherapist Pam Weight. Her contribution of this free article is gratefully acknowledged.

Pam Weight's modern approach to personal and professional development is born out of the study of these contemporary models, which are explained in more detail later in this article:

Human development
Humanistic theories
Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and
Energy Psychology.
The personal development process enables individuals to achieve critical personal changes, specifically to:

update personal identity, attitude, values and beliefs
increase congruency and satisfaction, and
release blocks which have been restricting the realisation of personal potential.
(In this context, 'congruency' means behaving and feeling naturally and comfortably - ie, true to oneself.)

modern personal development applications
The integrated personal development approach is highly beneficial for most people.

It is however particularly effective for people who have experienced little or no benefit from conventional training, especially where progress is blocked by issues raised in the training process.

Integrated personal development is also particularly helpful where one-to-one coaching or mentoring has had limited benefit, or has prompted surprising reactions.

Equally, those who want to develop themselves in some way, but cannot identify a particular direction, will also benefit from this sort of modern integrated personal development.

personal development essentials
Modern personal development differs from conventional training methods, most importantly:

by settling the past
by reducing the effort required to live in the present
by formulating a compelling future
These fundamentals are rarely found in traditional skills training or coaching. The principles underpin the process of effective personal development.

modern personal development - an alternative to traditional training methods
Modern personal development tends to achieve results because:

it creates balance in the system (the person as a whole)
it is realistic (and is perceived by the person as being achievable and relevant)
it reduces stress, and
it increases personal control
These factors are not commonly present in traditional skills training or one-to-one coaching, and as such provide a useful alternative if traditional methods have not been effective.

personal development outcomes
Many situations benefit from the improvements arising from effective personal development, for example:

within a corporate environment - producing better organizational performance and effectiveness
to improve self-awareness
to improve personal communication with others
to improve personal relationships with others
reducing and resolving conflict and stress
Traditional training can of course produce good results in these areas, however, some people require more focus on personal issues, which can be difficult for some types of traditional training to address.

modern personal development - component theory examples
human development
Human development includes the 'nature and nurture' elements that determine who we are and how we behave. Human development is a lifelong process beginning with 'nature'. Our 'nature' elements are everything we bring into this world: from our genetic make-up, our conception, up until our birth. After we are born, the 'nurture' process begins; namely every influence we encounter that affects us: our environmental influences and behavioural conditioning by others. We are each also subject to a slow continuous forming process; a sequence of stages through which we each pass in the same order, over a number of years.

Throughout these stages other developments occur: brain development; motor development; cognitive development; social development and development of self concept and basic trust. In addition, and importantly, our emotional development.

The influence of these human development factors on people, and their response to change, is considerable.

humanistic theories
Humanistic theories focus on our inner capacity for growth and self-fulfillment; with the emphasis on human potential. The early theorists referred to humans as being 'set up' or 'pre-programmed' for growth and fulfillment, unless thwarted by an environment that restricts growth.

From a humanistic perspective, a positive self-concept is the key to personal happiness and success in life. Moreover, acceptance and empathy help us to nurture positive feelings about ourselves, and that consequently we develop the capacity to extend and apply positive feelings to others. Overall, a humanistic perspective purports that people are basically good, and capable of self improvement.

(See also McGregor's XY Theory, which includes aspects of humanistic thinking, and usefully positions them in the context of corporate organizations, management, motivational development, etc.)

neuro-linguistic programming
Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a model of human experience and communication. It has also been referred to as a study of subjective experience and human excellence. Importance is placed on rapport: mutual trust and responsiveness. Rapport can be applied to your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others.

NLP states that the greater the mental, physical and emotional rapport with yourself, the greater your health, well-being and inner peace. As a result, the greater your ability to relate to and influence others. Other pivotal aspects are:

knowing what you want - setting your goal or outcome
using your senses - being aware of what is happening to you helps you regain the curiosity and acuity you had as a child - this increases behavioural flexibility, which improves your chances of success (see the first law of cybernetics).
See also the detailed free introductory guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

energy psychology
Energy Psychology is the collective term for a range of approaches focusing on the interconnectedness of mind and body. A principle of Energy Psychology is that psychological and physical problems can be treated through the body's meridian system and other bodily systems. Some of the approaches have their roots in traditional Chinese medicine energy healing, such as acupuncture.

From an Energy Psychology perspective; if the energy or meridian system balance is upset and left unchecked, there will be a physical manifestation. If there is a disturbance in the system, there will be impairment in thinking, and physical health. Clear the disturbance, and the body can do what it is meant to do - repair and/or heal itself, creating harmony and balance.

By carefully integrating and applying the behavioural models explained above, Pam Weight has developed a truly progressive and effective system of personal development. The approach is in tune with the needs of people living and working in the modern age, and provides a useful alternative to traditional training, coaching and mentoring practices.

Effective personal development must value the person's individual journey; acknowledge the person's learning from experiences; offer the opportunity for the person to update their system; and free the individual to consider their current capabilities and how and where to apply them. Truly effective personal development must be tailored for the individual, and be flexible and realistic, producing real and sustainable results, the basis of which must always be improved balance, less stress and more control.

The contribution of this article is gratefully acknowledged. If you'd like to find out more about this modern and effective approach to personal and professional development contact Pam Weight at: pamweight at ntlworld dot com.

Alternatively call Pam on: +44 (0)24 7674 3139, or contact us, and we'll be pleased to put you in touch.

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life coaching tips for business coaching, personal coaching - techniques for coaching success, performance, career and life-change
Coaching is a modern and rapidly growing method for helping others to improve, develop, learn new skills, find personal success, achieve aims and manage life change and personal challenges. Life coaching, or personal coaching - different terms are used - is effective for all situations, whether in personal life, career, sales or corporate and business life. Life coaching, personal coaching and similar coaching of this type is different to training. Coaching draws out rather than puts in. It develops rather than imposes. It reflects rather than directs. Coaching is is reactive, flexible and enabling, not prescriptive or instructional. Coaching is non-judgemental, not judgemental. Coaching helps people to develop and grow in a variety of areas, and this is leading to the development of separate coaching specialisms that are becoming new coaching disciplines in their own right, covering: personal coaching and life coaching, coaching for life-change, parenting; self-fulfillment and self-discovery; career coaching for advancement and job choices; leadership and management coaching; coaching for sales and business success; executive coaching for corporate performance and director development.

According to The Coaching Academy, whose contribution of this free coaching guide article is gratefully acknowledged, coaching is the world's second-fastest growing business skill. Coaching is now a profession, and one that is seeing rapid growth, primarily because for many people it is a uniquely satisfying career. All coaches have something in common - they are people that want to help others be the very best that they can be.

The Coaching Academy, Europe's largest coach training organisation has compiled this report on coaching to provide helpful information about coaching as a career, and to describe the principles and requirements of coaching as a personal development method.

Much of the factual content of this article has been gathered from the people who know best about this - coaches themselves. Look at coaching from their perspective to see what coaching is, and what coaching means.

personal coaching, life coaching - new and different to anything else
Coaching is about getting the very best out of someone and enabling them to make decisions that will improve their life. Coaches are hired for very many different and diverse reasons, for example: to climb the career ladder faster; to feel more fulfilled at work; to improve relationships with family and partners; to learn parenting skills that benefit both the child and parent; to gain a spiritual meaning to life, or a desire to 'get sorted'.

The profession is growing and coaching is becoming widely acknowledged also because people realise just how effective coaching is. Coaching is a relatively new and different profession - different to psychology, counselling or therapy. The big difference between coaching and these professions is that coaching doesn't claim to have the answers. A coach's job is not to go over old ground, be past-orientated or to force-feed information, but to work with clients to help them find the answers themselves.

Also, when a person experiences being coached, their motivation comes from working with a coach who is him/herself an upbeat, positive role model. In this way coaching is a unique way of developing people. Coaches agree that helping clients to reach their full potential through this approach produces great satisfaction.

reasons why people become a coaches
Whatever the reasons for people deciding to work with coaches; whatever the type of coaching given, and whatever results clients seek from coaching, a common feature in all coaching relationship is that coaching is a two-way process.

The two-way partnership is a main attraction for people to coaching. Both coach and client benefit. Personal development for the coach is a huge aspect of learning coaching and all coaches find that they themselves grow yourself, before starting to help others to do the same.

An excellent coach finds out new things about themselves and is on a continuous learning journey. Indeed, becoming a coach means a lifelong quest for personal excellence. For many this quest is the motivation to become a coach in the first place.

Helping clients discover where they want to go and helping them to get there is now a proven methodology, which is fuelling the increasing popularity of professional coaching.

Significantly, good coaches are never motivated entirely by money. The very nature of coaching means that it's a profession that is centered around 'making a difference' and helping people. Focusing mainly on making money generally leads to a lack of concern for the client, with the result that the client exits the relationship, not surprisingly. Happily, coaches who enter the profession chiefly for financial gain leave coaching quickly - which helps to maintain the integrity of the coaching professional reputation.

Common factors and reasons for coaches entering the profession:

they like people and want to bring out the best in them
they want to do something more fulfilling in their lives
they want personal and financial freedom
their family, friends and colleagues previously turned to them for advice and help - they have natural 'people' skills.
Coaching entails helping yourself grow and become more self aware, at the same time, helping others to overcome problems in their lives.

how life coaching and personal coaching typically operates
Interestingly, most life coaching and personal coaching is conducted on the telephone. Many coaches never actually meet their clients. For several reasons coaching is just as effective over the telephone as it is face-to-face. In fact, many clients prefer to speak over the telephone. This makes the process very convenient for both coach and client, and it offers greater flexibility for people with a busy lifestyle. Coaching using the telephone offers other obvious advantages:

coaching can be conducted wherever coach and client happen to be - anywhere in the world
there's no travelling time or cost involved
since little preparation needs to be done, telephone coaching sessions can be arranged with minimum prior notice
coaches do not need offices, meeting rooms, staff or other expensive overheads
A coaching session is typically thirty minutes and rarely longer than an hour.

life coaching and personal coaching profession attractions
Being self-employed has its advantages in any area of business. Having the luxury to choose the hours you work, where you work and how much to charge for your service is a huge motivation for anyone considering joining the profession.

Coaches can choose how many clients they want - one client, or twenty.

And there are no overheads involved - working from home is a big incentive for people who want to enter the coaching profession.

The flexibility of the coaching role, along with the rewarding aspects of the job, is likely to ensure that coaching and the number of practising coaches grows considerably in coming years.

Coaching, as well as being hugely satisfying, a means of personal development and very flexible, is also financially rewarding. Clients value and benefit from the support and are therefore happy to pay for it.

Coaches are attracted into the profession because it gives them:

accelerated personal growth and understanding of self
a lifelong journey of personal excellence and knowledge
the ability to enhance any job-role in any organization and industry - coaching brings out the best in people and motivates them to be the very best in whatever they do - in all manner of jobs and careers
more options in life - important and rare choices of when to work and with whom
a right and good purpose and meaning in life, measured in real value terms of effort and reward, not lost in a corporate fog
Little can compare to really making a difference in another person's life.

The ability to help people make lasting, positive changes in their lives is very special. Good coaches have this very special ability, and it is therefore no wonder that people are attracted to the coaching role.

Typical motivations for becoming a coach are explained in this example:

"It's a wonderful experience when a client makes a breakthrough, has a 'light bulb moment' and takes action on something they have been putting off for a long time. It's a fantastic feeling for both me and them." (Pam Lidford, a UK-based qualified coach and trainer)

challenges coaches face and how coaching overcomes them
On a day-to-day basis, coaches face many challenges. Coaching is an ongoing process, a method of continuous development and a significant learning experience for coaches and clients, so it's important to learn from 'mistakes'

The key to this is realising that these aren't 'mistakes' or failings in the first place.

What many people regard as mistakes are lessons, experiences, and opportunities to learn and develop.

Cherie Carter-Scott in her book 'If Life Is Game, These Are The Rules' has some helpful things to say about mistakes and learning. So does Don Miguel Ruiz in his book 'The Four Agreements'. See also the inspirational quotes, many of which help to approach mistakes and learning experiences positively. Perhaps one of the most powerful examples is "What does not kill us makes us stronger." (attributed to Friedrich Nietzsche, probably based on his words: "Out of life's school of war: What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." from The Twilight of the Idols, 1899).

A coach must demonstrate resourcefulness and help people to see that if they think they have failed in the past, this bears no bearing to what they can do in the future.

John Cassidy-Rice is a qualified coach who has been working in personal development for over 12 years. He explains typical challenges that coaches can face:

"Failure is only measured by time. If you look at the bigger picture, it's the 'failures' in our life that can actually turn out to be our greatest successes. What we learn from failure is invaluable. To give an example, when a football team loses an important match, they may regard themselves as failures; it's a natural thought process to go through. However, if they take it one match at a time, and look at where they went wrong in the game, and indeed, how they can improve for the next one, it means that these mistakes won't be made again - and they'll be successful in the future games they play. It can be a challenge to remove the 'failure' thought from clients. And showing them that it doesn't mean they can't achieve success in the future."

Listening skills, and resisting the urge to give advice are key attributes and methods of successful coaching, and central to truly helping people find their own direction and solutions.

Listening is the most important ability and behaviour of a coach. This takes patience, tolerance and practice, especially in order to develop real empathic listening techniques. See the section on empathy, which explains more about the different types of listening.

Communicating fully and expertly is

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For many of us, there seems to be an endless chain of work to accomplish. Thinking of the long list already drains us, leaving us no energy. Because of this, we need to force and drag ourselves to leave our comfortable beds.

The mere act of getting out of bed is tough enough for some of us. The same thing is true when we have to go to the gym for a workout. We literally have to drag our bodies; but once we’re there and start doing our much-needed exercises, everything seems to be easier and enjoyable to do.

It is similar to a cart with heavy load. The initial push requires greater energy; but once the wheels start to roll, less effort is required. So, what do we have to do to get our wheels rolling? How do we get that energy to get the work done?

Visualize the end result. Stephen Covey, author of the best-selling book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, says, “Begin with the end in mind.” Focus your attention on the end result. Think of the benefits, advantages, and conveniences the end result will bring. Beautiful thoughts can provide a boost in energy to get us started.

Imagine a piece of rope; it has two ends. One end has a tag that says it is difficult to start. The other end has a tag that lists benefits to be gained after going through the entire length of the rope. The list of benefits should be enough to entice us to get the work done. If we keep on reading the tag that says it is difficult, we may never get started.

Again, let us picture ourselves in the morning struggling with the thought of going to the gym for a workout. The more we think of difficult routines we have to do in the gym, the more stressed we feel!

Let us reverse this thinking and focus on the thought of having fit and slim bodies, no bulging bellies, great looking abs, well-toned muscles, and how great we look in well fitting clothes. The mere thought motivates us to go to the gym. Perhaps, we may even go overtime on our workouts.

Think of the worst-case scenario if you will not do what needs to be done. Think what will happen if we decide not to go to the gym and give way to laziness. If we don’t go to the gym, we get bulging bellies, we could hardly see our toes, instead of abs there are flabs, and oh, do not forget those gravity-obedient muscles! All these images should want us to change our mind to get dressed and head to the gym pronto!

Live a healthy lifestyle. Our bodies use energy to digest food. Stuffing our bodies with complex foods leaves us with no energy to undertake other chores. Do you feel sluggish or sleepy after a heavy meal? That’s because our energies have dipped after digesting what we have eaten.

Once we get used to healthy lifestyles, everything will come with the least effort. Maintain the healthy habit of eating the right food and take time to rest to be able to recharge. Remember, though the body is often times described as a machine, we are not like that energizer rabbit that keeps going and going and going …

Think of the rewards of having an energetic lifestyle. By being energetic, our physical body stands to gain. But more than this, our emotional being is the biggest beneficiary. When we are full of energy, we gain abundant vitality. With vitality, we become more enthusiastic about life. An enthusiastic attitude leads to a happy life, which is what we are all aspiring for.

So, when we dread waking up and feel sluggish, try the four techniques to overcome the heavy feeling. It may take some convincing and practice to make a turnaround, but you can start now!

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Decision making is one of the primary stressors in life. However, you can’t really live a life without decisions, can’t you? Every day you make choices, and these choices translate into stresses that cannot be avoided. They can only be mitigated or handled appropriately.

No matter how hard we try, turning decisions into riskless and stressless activities would be an exercise in futility. The best thing we can do is handle the decision making process in a way that that is as healthy as possible. Here are a few things to remember when you have to make a pretty tight decision.

1. Assess the Situation. Hard decisions entail extra stress primarily because we tend to worry too much about things we cannot control. And worse than that, we sometimes fail to understand what type of situation we are actually in.

To handle such situations properly, you should carefully and calmly assess the situation before making a choice. If this means that you have to step back, take a few breaths, and relax a bit before plunging back into the action, then do so. You will find that this technique works wonders for the stressed mind.

2. Unnecessary Worry. As mentioned earlier, we have a tendency to worry about things we cannot control. This is where acceptance and proper mindset come in. While thinking about something only shows that you care, it also releases a flood of emotions that could only cloud your decision making abilities.

The best thing you have on your side is a rational mind. This is negated if you give in to unnecessary worrying. So it is best if you calmly work on the decision, taking the consequences and risks as objectively as possible.

3. Be Aware of the Consequences. Every decision has its consequences and its risks. A primary reason for decision making stress is that we tend to be overly optimistic or pessimistic, expecting something to happen and then banking all our hopes on those thoughts.

It would be better if you instead make a table of risks and rewards for each decision, and accept the outcome of the risks as part of the dangers of the decision making process. Life is like a gambit, you can’t always win, but you can always learn from it.

4. Take Time Off. As said earlier, stress is a precursor to growth and change. But if you don’t get enough rest in between stressors, you risk your mental and physical health. That is why it is very important for individuals that need to make big decisions – especially those that do so on a regular basis like bosses and managers – to take regular breaks.

They should take time off to relax, indulge in healthy recreation, and allow their minds and bodies to recuperate from the stress.

5. Preparation. A lot of unwanted stress could be avoided if only people were a lot more prepared to make their decisions. A little research and study on the nature of the decision would go a long way towards making each decision as sure and as stress-free as possible.

Conclusion

While you can’t avoid it, you can at least live with it. Don’t let stress get the better of you. Aim to keep it under control by making smarter decisions and by handling it in the right way.

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One day, a former classmate from Penn State decided to call and ask the man to become the speaker of a small seminar on entrepreneurship back at the old campus.

Feeling honored about being given the opportunity, Greg sat down and started thinking about what to say to these people. The message should be clear and concise. “I will share my experience,” he thought. This will make the audience understand that his journey to the top was tough and there were a lot of setbacks.

Giving a motivational or inspirational message to people is like selling a product. The audience has to be convinced that if Greg was able to succeed, so can other people.

To make sure that Greg will be able to give a truly inspiration talk, he should make an outline. This should start with an introduction of the entrepreneur as a student who later on built a company. The main body should describe the details, such as the successes and the failures that became his lessons in life.

The end of the talk should focus on the things that are being anticipated and hoped for in the future. This will make people believe that having a business isn’t easy since one has to be always on the competitive edge.

The audience will really appreciate it if there’s an open forum after the talk. These people can ask certain questions which need more explanation. This can provide solutions to those having a hard time with an existing business.

After his speech, Greg will be able to know if his talk was effective if the audience will be given an evaluation sheet to be filled on the way out. This will give people like Greg a gauge on how effective the session was.

If people found it boring, then Greg should probably change a few things so that next time, the audience will feel inspired afterwards. Should the participants love it, this is a different story.

Greg has found a niche that can be used again to also motivate and inspire more people to work hard and be successful in life.

There are many ways for a person to spread the good word to others who need a little push. He can advertise the services to companies and other organizations that would like to get the help he can provide.

The individual can also write a book and then have this published. There are a lot of CEOs’ that have done this and the lessons learned are also applied and studied in business schools across the country.

Some people may not even have to write a book. The individual can also write the success story in a website which people can look for by making sure this is one of the popular ones that will pop out in one of the search engines.

Greg’s evaluation for the talk was very good. The friend who worked in campus asked if this could be done again. Greg didn’t know he has this talent inside. The lessons he learned can be shared to other people. This will inspire and motivate others who are probably thinking of giving up on their journey to success.

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If one would think about it, happiness and success are two things that are relative to a person’s point of view since these are dependent on one’s ideologies. Happiness and success relate to a target or reference point.

A person may say that he is happy because he just finished his studies or he just met a fine woman. A person may say he is successful because he was just promoted to a higher position. When one talks about happiness and success, a certain goal or perhaps an achievement is always the reference point.

A person will constantly ask himself if he is happy or if he can consider himself successful. Many people become depressed because they cannot seem to make sense of all the things that are happening in their lives. The most important thing to remember, when evaluating one’s happiness and success, is that people need to limit their assessment using their own personal standards.

Often times, depression comes about because people rely so much on the expectations of others. Have you heard college students who don’t do as well as they could because they don’t like the course which they are in? They say that they don’t really like the course because they were just forced by their parents or they had to take it for some other reason than because they liked it. Professionals also experience this kind of depression. Oftentimes, the workplace becomes a battleground wherein people live their lives according to the expectations of other people.

Again, happiness and success depend on one’s own views. Let us look at a musician’s point of view regarding happiness and success. A musician would love nothing more than to create music that comes from his soul. Depending on his ideologies regarding music, he can say that he is successful and happy with what he is doing.

A true musician wouldn’t care less if his records sold millions or not, as long as his music stays true to its original intentions when the records were made. A musician can also look at happiness and success in terms of the number of people who patronize his music, if he truly believes that music is nothing if no one hears and appreciates it. It really depends on one’s ideologies.

The only thing that we can infer from these two concepts is that these are mutually intertwined. One can say that success brings happiness and happiness is an essential ingredient towards success (i.e. Being happy with one’s work will bring beautiful fruits of labor).

Happiness and success are two things that all people aspire for in life. There can never be a single definition for both of these concepts. Even dictionaries wouldn’t dare give exact definitions for these words.

Perhaps, only the human heart can define these concepts. You will know when you are happy or when you can call yourself successful if your heart says so.

This is why the heart should always be consulted when making important decisions in life. Yes, of course, this is just a metaphor but we all know that the heart speaks reasons that the mind can never comprehend.

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Are you happy with yourself - with who you are and what you are doing? If you want high self esteem this is very important. Here's what you need to be happy with yourself:

a) Don't compete with others. Life is not a race. Set your own standards and try to reach them, don't be scared to fail and accept your own limitations. Competing with others will drain you and will take away your self esteem because there will always be someone better than you. Decide on your path and stick to it.

b) Understand yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Use your skills and do your best. You will find satisfaction when you are doing what you are good at and when you accept your weaknesses. Chances are you will also be more successful this way. Try to improve yourself but don't waste effort and time on those things which are not for you. Accept your best as good enough.

c) Focus on your achievements no matter how small. Try to achieve more but don't tire yourself out on things which don't truly matter to you. Focus on what is really important for you. When you know what you want to achieve then set goals (small steps) and reward yourself when you achieve each step. Nobody gets there in one giant leap it takes time and effort to achieve anything worth while.

d) Always try your best and you will be happy with yourself.

e) Be happy with your life as it is! Look for the things that are right and take satisfaction in those. Be thankful for all the good things you have been given. Try to improve your life yes but be realistic about where you are and where you want to go.

f) You can't do it all. Don't try to. The best you can do is to use your skills and abilities as best you can and trust that everything will work out. Life is short and we have to choose what we can achieve and how we want to live. Choose wisely but have faith in others and in anything you believe in

g) If you have faith use it. Faith in God is very helpful to many of us. Religion teaches us our importance as people but also reminds us we need help from above to achieve anything real. Always hold on to your beliefs and values and don't betray them or you will hurt inside.

h) Finally enjoy your life for the gift it is. Experience and give love. Don't drive yourself so hard you no longer enjoy life or see the goal you set yourself. First think about your health and allow yourself time to reflect and quieten down each day.

I hope you enjoyed this brief article - Karl Perera

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For me, the beginning of Fall is a great time to re-examine my goals and spend a little time on myself. With my son heading back at school, I am looking forward to having an opportunity to stretch myself a little beyond my comfort zone and try to accomplish something new. I'm sure this will resonate for many moms. Mothering can sometimes get us stuck in a rut and it's nice have some aspirations that can be met with just a little bit of effort and creativity. This can go a long way towards boosting our self-esteem and creating a bit more balance in our lives.

Often our kids are our best teachers here. They fearlessly approach new milestones, never worrying about failure. My son recently learned to dress himself at the grand old age of three and half (delays in self-care skills are common in kids with autism). Now he is having great fun dragging clothes out of the laundry basket and putting the most outlandish outfits together.

This is something quite simple that has brought him a lot of joy (and me too!) and has given him a new sense of confidence and empowerment. So if a three-year old can do it, why not you?

I'll give you a personal story of something I recently experienced and how I went about setting myself some new goals to stretch myself a bit. For background, I am a single mom with a child with special needs. I had been spending a lot of time with my son and had started to feel exhausted and stuck in a rut. I felt she was doing things the same way I had always done them, and somehow it just wasn't working anymore. So I decided to try a few things to test my courage and see what happened. I made a list of a few goals that I could accomplish quickly:

1. Accept an offer of babysitting from my child's teacher 2.

Arrange to meet a woman I had recently connected with (but didn't know very well) at my son's therapy group 3. Tell someone I loved how I was really feeling

These goals were actually not as small as they might seem from the outside. I deliberately chose these things because they required me to do something I would not ordinarily do - ask for help. Sound familiar, anyone? These seemingly simple actions actually helped me achieve a number of important things. By reaching out and accepting help I was taking small but significant steps towards improving my support system, making some time for fun, and testing my confidence. I accomplished all three goals and having done so, realized something significant.

I realized that I had a very strong belief that was really holding me back: "I can do it on my own." This belief had served me very well during my divorce. The prospect of raising a special needs child alone was daunting, and I needed to believe that I could handle the demands ahead of me on my own, as a single parent. It gave me the courage I needed to move forward, and move forward I did. But now this belief was holding me back and preventing me from creating more joy in my life. This realization gave me the awareness and power I needed to experience something different in my life, and it came simply from the desire to stretch myself a little.

You can see how a very simple exercise can bring you invaluable insights that can be an essential part of your self-care. It's also a helpful way to identify old limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. I hope you'll try this, and I'd love to find out what you learned.

The Essence Exercise

1. Identify an area in your life where you are feeling bored or

unhappy. 2. Set yourself at least one simple goal that you think

might help you move beyond the current state of affairs.

Remember, it can be something very simple, but it should be something that requires you to stretch a little beyond your comfort zone. For example, I reached out for help at a time when I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed - a relatively easy task

- but not easy for me because of my closely-held belief that I

needed to be able to cope on my own. 3. Once you've completed

your task, spend some time contemplating what you've learned.

How did you feel? What opportunities have opened up as a result?

Can you identify any limiting beliefs that you could work on

letting go of because of this activity? 4. Repeat, repeat,

repeat... It's really important that we constantly challenge ourselves in small ways. You don't have to go bungee-jumping or run a marathon (unless you want to, and then by all means, go ahead!), but it can be really helpful to continue to test our boundaries in small ways on a regular basis. By doing this, you're inviting new energy and possibility into your life. For moms, this is really essential as we can often become so absorbed with our kids that we can easily forget to pay a little attention to our own personal growth as women.

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Failure is a Monster in the lore of human kind. It’s the grand "ogre" that can bring about frustration and eat at the soul. Another thing failure is: AN OPEN GATE, and a new horizon. There is no such thing as failure.

We’re dropped on this planet with our own particular passion and fire. For some it rages and pushes us on towards heights unimaginable. We are driven to accomplish , to seek, to explore, and to somehow “birth” that mighty fire that burns within our hallowed walls. Freud, Jimi Hendrix, Miles Davis, Renoir, Van Gogh, John Coletrane, Debussy, etc. Each on their rocket ship being propelled by the ego, and the firing of nerve synapses through the human experience at the speed of sound, accomplishment, and the thirst for applause and achievement.

Hitting the wall and making mistakes provides us with invaluable lessons. Playing a guitar, driving a tractor, planting seed, painting a picture, etc. blooms best from error. Failing is a great teacher. It’s Gods force of nature moulding us like clay. BUT, this is a little different. Clay is the perfect disciple or student. Clay has no part in making the DECISION to become what it will be. It completely surrenders to the artist who moulds it into form and reality. Man, on the other hand, has choice. Failure offers to mould us. It is a co-op between Man, God, and destiny. An artist, craftsman, or worker, can use life experience (Failure) as an interplay toward growth and learning. Get up, and have at it AGAIN!. Those who have had a completely smooth ride may not have had the opportunity to test themselves. *Those who do not choose to bend and flex with failure, are missing the opportunity to paint w/ nature and circumstance. They are saying “no” when God asks them to dance and adjust. They are denying an opportunity to seek out a different perspective. They are saying no when God asks them to learn from mistakes and become better at what they do. We are too busy reacting - we are not listening.

There are problems associated with failure to be sure. Perhaps the first mistake is the inability to see failure as a lesson. Instead we see it as defeat. We see it as natures way of telling us, we are NEVER going to be good enough. Defeat can also trigger laziness. After all, if I didn’t get it the first few times, why bother? I’ll NEVER be able to get it - AND here is the kicker - “I ONLY WANT TO DO THIS (Play guitar, paint a picture, etc), IF I AM GUARANTEED TO GET A RESULT”.

Well, there are no guarantees, your technique will surpass Bela Fleck, Eddie Van Halen , or Izaak Perlman. There are no guarantees that you will sell a million albums. Hell, there are no guarantees you will sell a CD to anyone other than your family and friends. Here is where you can challenge yourself to the “purity of action.” That is, that you do what you do out of love. Love is free. Many years ago The Beatles sang “you can’t buy me love”... and it's true. Love simply is. Love is a gift. Love is being, and doing. It is becoming a part of the process of your life in action. If good musicianship were defined by the amount of pleasure or love you derive from the process, I know a lot of very poor players that are better musicians than highly skilled professionals. Their honesty and love of creation may speak more loudly than virtuosic flair.

Perhaps our most noble goal is do the best we can, and use failure as a teacher. Failure must fill our sails toward a destination, not render them impotent, windless, and unable to reach our shore. Perhaps the more noble goal is honesty and humility - to accept your abilities (Also called "limitations".), and do the best you can with them. AND, maybe those so called “limitations” help you to make a decision that makes your work or art, unique and fresh. You may not be the fastest guitar player in the world, but that doesn’t negate your right to speak. Creating a connection to an audience, or fellow man, doesn’t have to rely technical virtuosity. It relies on an honest level of communicating between the creator, and listener. It depends on the intension and connection of your heart, soul, and passion. Your work may not have sold a million and reached the masses. BUT, you used failure to grow beyond your limitation. You used limitation to paint your picture in a completely unique way. You used your limits to speak with a voice unique and honest to the creative intent of your work. You have used limitation to offer the listener a vision and point of perspective they may not have experienced before. You have grown and succeeded within your intent. You have created for LOVE, not MONEY. And to answer the age old philosophical question, “if a tree falls to the ground deep in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”

Yes.

*There are those for whom things go smoothly and it’s completely right. It’s easy to be a bit envious and resentful of them for not having paid their dues, but this only tends to guide us off coarse. Their life is their life, ours is ours. We have the opportunity to develop the strength to “get back up again” after a fall. We have the opportunity to listen to that crazy “whim” of nature that directs us toward a more intuitive relationship with creation. We have the ability to become better at what we do.

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Integrity: The Key to Getting What You Want

By Marcia Wieder
America’s Dream Coach®

The most critical attribute for realizing our dreams is integrity. In a conversation about dreams, integrity is essential and can be summarized this way: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Honor your word and agreements and you will be living with integrity, where dreams really do come true.

Simple, yes, but not always easy. Vastly overscheduled, often the person it’s most difficult to keep our commitments with, is yourself. As you practice upholding your values, you are given opportunities to show up or to sell out. When you are challenged, do you lose sight of what matters to you? Do you have an internal pulse, a set of conscious principles that you live your life by?

If you are committed to a life of joy and abundance, filled with love, generosity and contribution, integrity is a must. Integrity creates trust and accountability. Surrounded by crowds, you can feel lonely if you’re not true to yourself. Without integrity, you can have great wealth and still feel worthless. And lacking integrity, you won’t trust yourself or have faith in your dreams.

When we leave things unresolved or incomplete, we are out of integrity. You can recognize something as incomplete by how you feel about it. Is the matter settled? Do you worry about it? How is it impacting other areas of your life? When you are complete with something you don't even think about it. There is no agitation or energy wasted.

It’s up to you to decide if something is incomplete or not, but it’s difficult to focus on future dreams when you are consumed by your past. Incompletions can be notorious and contagious as one leads to another. Buried under burdensome annoyances we can feel lost, afraid or confused. Take Jake for instance. He didn't pay his taxes for two years. The IRS put a lien on his assets, so he was labelled a bad credit risk. He couldn't buy a house or rent an apartment. Eventually he lost his credit cards. He was caught in a downward spiral that also undermined his confidence and self esteem.

Linda let her parking tickets pile high and never got around to paying them. She became afraid to drive her car because she might get towed. Concerned about driving to work, she eventually lost her job. A small detail led to a bigger concern, which led to an even worse problem.

Carol had a room in her home that she called the "black hole," filled with incomplete items. Since she and her husband were trying to sell their house, she knew it was time to tackle that project. She came up with a list of over one hundred "items to do." They included returning things she had borrowed, writing letters, even mailing back an inexpensive bracelet she had stolen from her local drug store when she was a teenager. It took some time and effort, but with each item she handled, Carol felt lighter and freer. Within a few weeks of completing her list, they easily sold their house. Completion creates freedom.

First Steps

This powerful process of exploring what’s been left unsaid, undone or incomplete in your life is one of the most awesome things you can do to free yourself and have more access to your dreams. If undertaken to the best of your ability, this may be the most profound thing you have ever done.

Look at all these important areas and use this formula as a guide to scrutinize your life. The areas to explore (but are not limited to) include your body, mind, home, work, finance, and people (living and dead).

1. Write down what you feel incomplete about with anyone or anything.
2. List what you need to do to complete it.
3. Complete as many items as possible.

How do you complete something? You may need to write a letter or make a phone call. You may need to forgive someone or just declare "it's over." On some items, you might need to create a project plan or you might not even know yet. Just do your best to get rid of anything that is weighing you down.

Removing clutter will give you greater clarity and energy for the things that are important to you. As you complete what you can, feelings of pride, accomplishment, and peace of mind, can motivate you to take on even the tough things. Free to move forward, now you can tap into the flow of life. The more your life is in order, the faster and easier your ability to manifest dreams will become. It's just that simple.

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Have people always called you “too sensitive?” Do you try to hide it, pretend it doesn’t exist, or work around it as much as possible? Many Highly Sensitive Souls believe that our sensitivity makes us weak, weird, or different. Actually, being sensitive makes us highly aware, caring, and perceptive.

For more information, see my article “Are You Highly Sensitive?” at http://www.highlysensitivesouls.com/sensitivesouls.htm.

In the workplace, the gift of sensitivity may feel like a handicap. As Sensitive Souls, we care passionately about our work and it tremendously impacts our well-being. I am a fervent champion of work for Sensitive Souls where we can fully contribute and feel deeply satisfied by our efforts. So how is this possible?

Create Work that Works

Work for Sensitive Souls must feed our minds, hearts, and souls. We must make a contribution that resonates to our core. To do otherwise is to invite despair, confusion, and sorrow. The traditional structure of working culture isn’t always supportive of our needs. So we must create work that works ourselves, whether by creating our own positions or businesses, working in less mainstream positions and companies, or adapting our current jobs to better suit us.

In order to create work that works, I believe that Sensitive Souls can benefit from the following explorations.

1. Tune Into Yourself

A critically important aspect is to know yourself. This may seem obvious, but many Sensitive Souls get lost in the expectations of others and become disconnected from ourselves. When we discover our own passions, values, personality, gifts, and dreams, we steer clearly toward work that supports our true nature.

How do we tune into these magical inner clues? I’m a huge advocate for self-discovery. For example, working with a life coach is a powerful means of accessing the truth of who you are, what you want, and where you want to go. A coach supports you to claim your dreams and discover your talents in a safe space. Additionally, meditation, listening to your intuition, journaling, and personality discovery work are great self-facilitation approaches.

2. Factor In Your Soul

As Sensitive Souls, we require work that is meaningful, intellectually stimulating, and creative. It must be a true calling. One way to think about this is to remember the “meaning factor.” That is, the intangible satisfaction we get from doing work that is important to us. As you contemplate career options, be sure to consider whether the work will be satisfying intellectually and creatively, while also meeting other requirements like income and location. Look for what you are naturally drawn to and excited about as critical clues to what will ultimately be most rewarding. Your passions will guide you to your deepest truth.

3. Create an Ideal Career Checklist

When looking for a job or making a career change, remember to “think outside the box.” Draw on your innate ingenuity. A helpful technique is to develop an Ideal Career checklist. Consider the environment, people, type of work, pay, hours, emotional climate, and intellectual challenge, alongside soul requirements such as your gifts, sensitivity, passions, dreams, and meaning factor. In other words, know what you must have, need, and want. When you know what works for you and what doesn’t, potential jobs are easier to evaluate. You might even consider adapting your current job to meet your ideal!

4. Do Take Your Sensitivity to Work

Your sensitivity is an important part of who you are. It’s one of the unique gifts you bring to work. Your empathy, emotions, creativity, and thoughtfulness are part of your valuable skill set that makes for authentic work relationships, dynamic invention, and compassionate service. One way to use your sensitivity is to share your insights, intuition, and gut responses in meetings and with co-workers. You can also use your sensitivity interpersonally. Take a deep breath, tune in, and ask: “How can I best be of support here?” Let your sensitivity guide you.

5. Support Your Sensitivity and Practice Self-Care

Career transformation challenges Sensitive Souls because standard formulas don’t work well for us, like 40-plus-hour workweeks, commutes, fluorescent lights, and cubicles. We require physically and emotionally supportive environments along with plenty of independence and privacy. In addition, each sensitive person has specific challenges – such as people, noise, or light. It’s important to know which of these are significant for you and to learn how to address them. For example, you might bring in an incandescent lighting source or create a cubicle of plants to define your space. You might also learn protective energy techniques for interpersonal challenges.

And remember: Take great care of yourself both inside and outside work! It’s important to recognize that self-care is a REQUIREMENT for a Sensitive Soul. It is fundamental to making a meaningful contribution to the world. This means making sure to get plenty of sleep, eat well, take time for yourself, and engage in soul nourishing activities like art, gardening, cooking, or being in nature.

6. Get Support

Many of us have been hurt by our prior work experiences. We bring our tender souls with us wherever we go, and transforming our careers can bring up painful emotions. This is a normal part of healing and transforming a career. Sometimes it can be an obstacle to simply know what we want. Be sure to ask for support from friends, coaches, therapists, or career counsellors.

Above all, remember: You are here for a reason. In the words of Woodrow Wilson, “You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world.”

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"Every prayer - every thought, every statement, every feeling -is creative. To the degree that it is fervently held as truth, to that degree will it be made manifest in your experience." -Neale Donald Walsch

In your business and in your personal life, if your mind was a huge, blank sheet of paper, what would you fill the space with? Would you use it to create positive or negative thoughts?

Using your mind as a blank sheet of paper gives you the chance to create new goals, and to reach for new heights. A blank page gives you an important guide that pushes you toward self motivation and inspiration.

You can change your blank page at any time. Your God given imagination is there for your to use to create the business and personal life you want. You can create a new beginning. It's your choice and not anyone else's. You can use it to erase any negative thoughts, feelings, or opinions.

When someone tells you you can't do something, can you separate the fact of their statement from their opinion? Use your imagination to create a better, more useful outcome. Understanding that there is a great distinction between the two may decide your success or failure.

How valuable is their opinion? What is the truth behind the statement? Being able to determine the difference between facts and opinions when you hear them is important. Always consider the cost of having someone else's opinion prevent you from doing something that is not based on facts. Do the facts out-weigh the opinions? Or, are the opinions more important than your desire to be the self you want?

This is like knowing that just because it's raining outside, it doesn't have to be a bad day. One is fact; the other is an opinion. Use this guidance whenever you find yourself hesitating to make a decision in your business or in your personal life.

When someone gives you a negative opinion, you can accomplish more by not getting discouraged. Knowing that an opinion is nothing more than a comment of what, or how, a person feels and believes, is also important. Most of the time, it is not what they know to be true.

Where does imagination come from when you need it? Imagination plays a big part in creating your self-confidence. Try filling your mind with thoughts of not letting other people's negative voices affect your self-confidence. Develop an attitude of not letting their negative opinions or actions destroy your self-esteem.

Another good defense mechanism would be to build up a series of little successes. Even small successes will build the confidence and self esteem that you need for bigger and better successes in your business and your personal life. Then you=re more armed to deflect the negative opinions that come your way.

Imagine yourself succeeding. With the little successes that you accomplish, remember to give yourself credit to feel good about them. Prepare your mind for the bigger successes. Then, build on the confidence and the strength that comes from succeeding.

Use your imagination to succeed and to create the self you want. After all, imagination is the power of the mind to form images - good, bad, or indifferent; positive, loving, or negative; funny, sad, or happy. Which ones do you choose?

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